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*Download Epub ï Toy Cemetery ó There they were, just as he remembered Rooms and rooms of them Dolls Toy soldiers Clowns When he was a kid, his Aunt Cary s toy collection should have been a child s paradise But instead he had been terrified by their staring eyes and limp armsTwenty years had passed since Jay Clute set foot in Victory, Missouri Twenty years of trying to forget that night that hellish night of unimaginable horror Now, his Aunt Cary was dead, and it s all been left to him the house, the furniture, every last piece of her collection And nothing had changed Not the painted on dolly smiles or the garish clown colors or the tiny hands that were dripping with bright red blood Toy Cemetery I knew this was going to be wild going in, but it was like ten times wilder than I ever expected And I knew it was ridiculously wild Anyways wow, a whole lot going on in this Pulp horror is wild Might start reading it , because that was truly a journey. What a great, big pile of shit Let s be clear, I fully expected a great, big pile of shit I read it for that specific experience.The first third or so was pretty amazing Thenit almost felt like Johnstone submitted the first third, then got an advance, used it for cocaine, forgot about the whole thing, and the night before it was due, put it all together, shipped it off, and whoever was proofing it was like, Fuck it, this is my last day, let s just put the apostrophes mostly in the right pl What a great, big pile of shit Let s be clear, I fully expected a great, big pile of shit I read it for that specific experience.The first third or so was pretty amazing Thenit almost felt like Johnstone submitted the first third, then got an advance, used it for cocaine, forgot about the whole thing, and the night before it was due, put it all together, shipped it off, and whoever was proofing it was like, Fuck it, this is my last day, let s just put the apostrophes mostly in the right places and I m outta this hellhole I m now going to attempt to summarize the plot Spoilers I put a question mark because I m not sure that I ll be able to reassemble what I read, and because I don t know if telling anyone what happens in this book spoils it, per se.Jay s aunt dies So he goes back to Victory, MO to claim an inheritance His aunt sucked, but I guess Jay was the closest thing she had to an heir Victory is apparently not a real city, BUT Missouri has a Liberty AND a Freedom Just putting it out there.Victory is real fucked up We immediately see a fat guy who is doing something fucked up to a doll that s also sort of alive, and Johnstone tosses in that the guy is basically a child rapist This is like page 2 Here s what happens in Victory When the sun goes down, the fog rolls in, and everyone starts acting insane A teen boy just starts jerking off on his front porch People have sex even though they probably shouldn t For example, Jay, our hero, has sex with this young woman 17 18 who is the daughter of one of his old townie buddies I lost track, but I think this character gets raped somewhere between 2 and 8,000 times in the course of the book Okay There s also a haunted house Filled with living dolls There are also dolls roaming around the woods There are THREE kinds of living dolls in this book, near as I can figure 1 Porcelain MannequinsThese are porcelain, human sized dolls that can walk and talk and shit, but when they re attacked, they shatter Also, they re killed with fire, which seems less efficient than the shotguns and pistols everyone is toting If I ve got to destroy a plate, and I can use a gun or fire C mon These dolls are all bad guys and kill people, mostly while their arms are detached from their bodies These people seem to be sometimes people who used to be real humans, sometimes not, and how they become this way isn t explained.2 Little Evil DollsAll kinds of dolls, evil, stabbing people with needles and tiny swords These are apparently the new bodies of people who lived in Liberty This process isn t really explained.3 Little Not Evil DollsThese seem to be identical to the Little Evil Dolls, except they re not evil and they want to fight the evil dolls I m not entirely sure what the difference is between them and the evil dolls, what makes them not evil, or how the characters would know which dolls are evil and which aren t other than the not evil dolls being gruesomely mutilated by the evil dolls now and then They also fly planes and drop firecrackers on the bad guys Okay, so Jay comes to town Evil shit starts happening, especially around roaming packs of teens Which, how can you tell the difference dad joke A blind priest, his former surgeon thug assistant, a retired general, a news team, a cop who is named Jim, which was REALLY confusing because we ve got a Jim and a Jay, and these characters are not exactly well rendered and I lost track of the differences , an archery expert doctor, and some other randos fight against the evil in Victory They can t seem to get police help from outside the city becausereasons They can t leave the town becausereasons Jay almost has sex with his daughter while they re both in the fog, but then their cross necklaces click together, yanking Jay out of his fogged in stupor But then, the next morning, it turns out Jay s lady friend and her daughter had sex at their house WhichI guess part of the problem here is that there s a SHITLOAD of incest going down in Victory, which results in weird monsters somehow, but that doesn t really explain a mother daughter evil fog tryst There s a part where Jay gets captured and put in a hospital Where he sort of puts together there s an ancient evil of some kind that doessomething Somehow It s involved in making the dolls maybe all three types in addition to some mutants, plus spreading the evil around He escapes via clever ruse and also punching a guy super hard in the balls , and then gets back to running around with his cronies, shooting stuff, burning stuff, and then sometimes being easily cowed by a group of teens.Can we talk about lost subplots TOY FACTORY There s a toymaker shipping toys all over the world Which I think was supposed to serve as a last minute, pre credits sort of wink that things aren t really over, but it doesn t go anywhere CHILD PORN Apparently the evil one is making child pornography, which is a financial endeavor This is very unclear, although I guess it s here because it s one of the evil est things you can do It doesn t really play into the plot so much THE AUNT I don t know She s like a ghost They burn her house down A bunch of dolls live there, but some are evil and some aren t Super confusing THE NEWS A news team shows up at some point to sort of help with things and show the world what s going on Doesn t really go anywhere.THE DOLLMAKER I could be wrong, I read this kind of fast, but I don t know if the evil, fat dollmaker ever gets his, escapes, or what He seemed like the sub villain, the one we re supposed to think is the villain, but then he isn t ButI think he just kind of vanishes from the book.SATANISTS These guys meet in a church and talk cryptically about the dark one or the evil one or whatever They turn the cross upside down while they meet I m not really sure why they re meeting in secret having an orgy at one point when everyone in the entire city is part of the craziness Why the cloak and dagger shit EVERYONE YOU KNOW is in on it TIME Jay figures out that something is happening regarding time And that by disrupting this, he can accomplish something So he blasts a clock to pieces, which solves the problem, whatever it is, briefly catapults our characters back in time to the 20 s or so, then that just sort of resolves itself and the time distortion is over Although everything seems exactly the same following the resolution of this problem.TEENS There is a group of evil teens Which it turns out, Jay s daughter is one of them He tries to kill her a couple times, which you would think would be kind of a big deal, but it s not There s a bunch of mayhem which is the best shit and then a twist when it turns out some of the good guys are actually bad guys, and the whole anticlimax ends with Jay stabbing an old man at the dump, which apparently ends the curse I have, I think, three criteria for enjoying shitty shit 1 I have to be able to follow it, generally It doesn t have to be an amazing plot, but I like to know what s going on from moment to moment 2 It can t be intentionally shitty Sharknado is my prime example When someone makes something shitty on purpose, feh.3 It s got to have some real crazy nonsense that takes things too far in one aspect or another.This one has two of three It s got some real crazy, and I think it s sincere But it was just so damn hard to follow, and it was like Johnstone had a chance to write one book, so he threw in EVERYTHING Which is insane as he wrote 25 horror novels in like 10 years I m torn on it If you, like me, sometimes enjoy getting loaded and reading at a bar, this is perfect If you, like me, also kind of hate working really hard to follow something you shouldn t give a wet fart about, this is very much imperfect Mixed bag Yeah Hopefully I won t be thinking of the time I spent reading this when I m looking back on my life Do you like crazy cemeteries The kind that are infested with invisible ghost werewolves that can only be killed with a stake through the heart The kind that conceal toy factories where Satanists shoot kiddie porn Then William W Johnstone has your flavor of crazy on tap right here in what might be his most bonkers book Read onif you dare Do you like crazy cemeteries The kind that are infested with invisible ghost werewolves that can only be killed with a stake through the heart The kind that conceal toy factories where Satanists shoot kiddie porn Then William W Johnstone has your flavor of crazy on tap right here in what might be his most bonkers book Read onif you dare Pulp horror gold nuff said This is the first horror novel I ve read by the infamous William W Johnstone, and I will most certainly be readingThe plot keeps getting crazier as the story progresses, along with the dire feeling of good vs evil Make no mistake about it this is a Christian horror novel Things are pretty black and white you ve got devil worshipers and God worshipers The devil worshipers are depicted as being wholly without morals, and are basically disgustinga Pulp horror gold nuff said This is the first horror novel I ve read by the infamous William W Johnstone, and I will most certainly be readingThe plot keeps getting crazier as the story progresses, along with the dire feeling of good vs evil Make no mistake about it this is a Christian horror novel Things are pretty black and white you ve got devil worshipers and God worshipers The devil worshipers are depicted as being wholly without morals, and are basically disgustingand, surprisingly, very unsettling As you would expect, all the good characters are noble and admirable While this sounds pretty ham fisted and I m not going to argue it isn t , it works becausewell, that s just who William J was probably , and it shines in all the fiction I ve read by him this and his western, The Last Mountain Man In other words, it s hard to attack this novel for its cheesiness it is what it is, it knows what it is, and it delivers exactly what it needs to, and then some Supernatural scare after supernatural scare, followed by intense bloodshed, all with a very moralistic preachiness, with not a little bit of warning that s this novel, and it s pretty fun Take it for what it is a fine piece of cheesy 80s horror , and you ll enjoy it